Sunday, September 26, 2010

A little low tonight

I'm a little sad today. Nothing in particular really happened, I suppose. At least not one thing. Maybe it's a lot of things. Maybe it's plain homesickness.

I've made a lot of friends here so far, way more than I expected to have after only one month. When I walk into church, I can say hi to dozens of people, and I know I can call pretty much any of the teachers at my school if I need them (and Tiffany's right downstairs. Hey Tiff!) But today I miss having people who know me. I needed to talk to a girl friend about a kind of tricky situation today, and I had to explain all of the backstory before I could even ask for her advice. I miss having people around who already know my story. I wish I had someone here who knew why I get upset about the things that upset me, or why something can excite me and make me want to throw up at the same time. I have friends here, but I miss my friends, you know?

I'm also getting a little tired of being new. I go to church twice a week, and each of the last eight times I was there, I sat in a different seat and met new people. I like meeting people, I really do, but I just want something to be consistent. I miss having multiple rows of people I recognize in the back corner of the sanctuary, and I miss having the same faces at Bible Study every week. I know I had to start from scratch here, and I know that building relationships takes time. It takes time to become comfortable in a place, and it takes time to have people feel comfortable around you. But I put in that time - four years at the Vineyard - and I was comfortable there. People there knew when my eyes were really crying even though my face was smiling, and people here don't know that. It's no one's fault; the people here are wonderful and friendly and amazing, but we're still getting to know each other. I miss not having to "get to know" people - just knowing them already.

Right now, I mostly miss my college roommates. I miss crawling into bed with, well, any of them, and cuddling until the world stopped being scary. There's too much going on in my head right now, and I just need to hold hands, make popcorn, and figure things out. I'm extremely thankful for skype, and I know any of my girls would hop right online to talk to me if they knew how lonely I am, but I'm afraid this time it might make it worse. It'll just remind me that the closest I can get to any of them is a backlit screen, and that's an awfully depressing thought.

I know I didn't technically talk to anyone by posting this, but I feel a little better now. I'm going to curl up with my stuffed animals and watch Glee for a while... and tomorrow will be another day.

Lolly, Smelly, Mocha, and Tilly - I miss you guys right now. Too much. But you know what? I'm glad I have you to miss in the first place.


  1. I'm sorry you're feeling low and I think I least in my own way :) Hope your birthday was a really good one!

  2. the highs and lows of living abroad can be treacherous, but the sooner you can be honest with yourself about them (just like you're doing here, props girl!) the sooner you will start to figure out the recipe for dealing with them...

    miss my "real" friends is still the #1 thing that kicks me when i'm already down here. but it does get a little easier every time, and with each day this place starts to feel a little more like home and your friendships start to feel a little more genuine.. i promise.

    prayin for ya, friend. ♥

  3. Praying for you this morning pookie.
    Love you!
    talk soon :)

  4. Your Cincinnati roommates miss you, too! I know we don't replace the college roommates, but hopefully it makes you feel better to know we're thinking of ya too. :)

  5. The tall one misses you just as much here at the border of Mexico! Our friendship is muy bueno and I do thank God for that :)


    We will talk this week!

    <3 Lolly


  6. Naked

    I talked with you this AM. You were funny in slow motion. I am glad you miss me too. If you feel sad again hug the hamster and dog.


  7. sticky...i wanna be in bed with you too.

    also, previous posts, your 24!


  8. While this might not be all that helpful, I've been in Cincinnati for over 3 years now and I've felt the exact way you describe right now sometimes. It doesn't matter how far apart you are, or for how long, I think we will always hold a place for certain people in our hearts. I am just now realizing it's ok to let other people in, not to replace those other people but to help me not feel so lonely. At least you know they are missing you as much as you are them.
    Hang in there. You are strong enough to get through this, and much more.