Thursday, July 29, 2010

My first freak out

When I created this blog, I had such high ambitions of it being a delightful oasis of amusement for my friends and family. It's not even a week in, and I'm already posting something not-so-funny. Buckle yourselves in, folks. This Korea thing might be a bumpy ride.

I signed up for this adventure under the pretense that I wouldn't have to go it alone. I've never had any particular desire to move to South Korea; it was my friend's idea, and I jumped on board. Unfortunately, Ben isn't the kind of guy who just steps outside his comfort zone; he frickin parachutes out of it and ends up in another galaxy, or in this case, Saudi Arabia.

While we were applying for jobs in South Korea, Ben was also applying for jobs in the Middle East (apparently). Before the ink was even dry on my contract, Ben was interviewing with Saudi, thereby turning my whole world on its head. I'm ridiculously excited for him - if he takes this job, he'll be working with the chairman of the Harvard English department, and that's stinkin cool. But it also leaves me in a potentially terrifying spot: I'd be moving to Korea alone.

I knew I'd be leaving alone, and I was okay with that. I was okay with getting there before him, trying my hand at navigating the subway system, and bumbling my way through not accidentally ordering dog for dinner. But that was all under the assumption that someone was on his way to save me if I drowned. There was a lot of comfort in knowing my friend would be there soon, and I wouldn't have to look like an idiot forever. But now the rules have changed, and I wasn't even sure I was ready to play the game in the first place.

I'd like to pat myself on the back a little; I made it nearly twelve whole hours yesterday before I broke down. I finished working, put on a stellar puppet show, and got funky to some Vanilla Ice before I crumpled into a weeping mess in front of the church. It wasn't just knowing I'd be in Seoul alone; it was the first time it really hit me that I'd be leaving my life behind. I've been a part of the Vineyard for four years; heck, I moved to Cincinnati just to stick with those crazy, messed up people. When Ben first suggested Korea, I drove straight to the Vineyard and wandered around until I found someone to pray with me about it. They are my ecclesia, they are where I fit, where I belong, and now I'm leaving them. I almost switched to Crossroads a few months ago, but I couldn't do it because I desperately love the screwed up people at the Vineyard. Switching to Jubilee (in Seoul) is a tad bit bigger of a change, and I'm terrified.

There's not a time in my life that I can remember being more afraid. I know I made a joke about it a few posts back, but this time I'm completely serious. If I think about it too much, I literally start shaking, and I've spent the last twenty-four hours constantly on the brink of tears. I cried myself to sleep last night, blasting hymns about trusting in God until I finally passed out. Friends, I'm so scared. I didn't know a person could be this scared of anything, and yet here I am.

I wonder what the next few weeks will hold. I want Ben to come to Korea with me more than almost anything else right now, but I have absolutely no control over God's will for my own life, let alone for his. And I genuinely am proud of him for being offered such a cool opportunity in Saudi Arabia, so it's doubly hard to reconcile my selfish desire for him to be my babysitter. But I have a really big God, a God who passionately loves me and will work all things together for my good. If I have to go to Korea alone, I'm going to have a few more anxiety attacks, shed a lot more tears, and probably give myself an ulcer, but I won't really be alone.

You don't know what's coming
But you know the One who holds tomorrow.
I will be your guide,
Take you through the night
If you keep your eyes on me

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Making friends

I have a lot of friends in Cincinnati - more than I have fingers on my left hand, to be exact. I'm pretty much always busy, and I really like it that way. I'm pretty extroverted, so being around people makes me all kinds of happy. I like my friends and they like me. It just works.

But it's hard to make friends. I have spent the last two years slowly building my social life from a weekly small group where half the girls didn't recognize me no matter how many times I showed up to a really complete social circle. My friends and I have a book club, we watch the Bachelorette/drink to the sappiness of the contestants, and plan all kinds of outrageous outings. I really feel like I could go to any of them with anything at all and they'd listen to me whine while pouring me wine - the mark of a best friend.

And now I'm moving to another country where I don't know a single soul (and I'll be in Seoul. hehe the joke never gets old). I'm still crossing my fingers that Ben shows up sometime while I'm there, but I can't count on it seeing as he doesn't hypnotize as easily as I had anticipated. In order to prepare for this, I decided I'd start looking for friends.

How does one look for friends on the other side of the world? Well, facebook, of course! South Korea is a big country, so I had to narrow the field a tad. First, I joined the group for the church I intend to become a part of. Not creepy at all. Then, I surfed through the other members of the group, and picked people who looked somewhat friendly. Slightly creepy. Finally, I sent those people messages, asking if they would please be my friend when I arrive in three weeks.

Thus far, I have received no responses...

Next week, I'll send out cookies. The following week (when I really start to get panicky), I'll wire them money. I know that's how my parents got me friends in middle school, and I really thought I had out-grown that, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I got a job!

So I know that no one reads this because I haven't actually advertised it anywhere (well, I told Lolly about it. And she commented on my very first post, which validated my existence in precisely the codependent way it should have). But eventually I'll announce that I have this FABULOUS blog with FABULOUS posts that everyone should read, and I feel like it should include a few pre-Korea babblings. Also, I'm just procrastinating on getting my work done today.

Yesterday, I officially accepted a job in Seoul. It's finally on paper - I have to move to Korea or they'll come over here and brutally murder me. Wait, did I accidentally sign a contract in North Korea? Oh well, too late now.

Now, deciding to move to another country is terrifying. I only know three words, one of which is more flirtatious than I originally realized and will thus be used only in emergency situations (like when I want a free dinner). I'm not positive I'm pronouncing the part of town I'll be living in correctly, nor am I quite sure how to articulate the name of the currency. I've never once eaten Korean food; in fact, in a line-up of foods from Asian countries, I can confidently say I would be unable to select which is Korean. About two months ago, I didn't even know where Korea was on the globe. (That speaks volumes of America's embarrassing education system and is also a pretty humiliating fact about my lack of geographical knowledge). All this to say, I feel a lot like this girl:

Except, of course, she's going down a slide that will be over in ten seconds or less, and I have to live in Korea for a whole year. Still, I think the sentiment is pretty spot-on.

Friday, July 23, 2010

This blog is a lie.

Well, for now it's a lie. I don't actually live in Korea, but I probably will in about three weeks. I have a million other things I need to be doing, but for some reason "creating a pink blog" weaseled its way to the top of my to-do list. Since checking things off of lists is one of my all-time-favorite activities, I embraced this priority change and made a blog. Check. Then my blog looked so sad without any posts, so I added this. I think that deserves a second check. Ahh, productivity.

Also, I like blogs to have pictures, so I included this one. It is irrelevant in every way possible, but that doesn't take away from its charm.